always_sundae

[Originally posted to Always_Sundae on PF]

Mel and I started watching Twilight saga as of late and I kind of wanted to make a post sharing my thoughts on it so far.

We decided to watch Twilight mainly because it was really big for a while and we kind of wanted to check it off of our "inundated with pop culture" list, if that makes sense. Basically, we wanted to be able to say we had seen it and also maybe get a clue as to what the hype was about. So far, we've watched the first two movies and we intend to get through them all eventually.

Going in, all I knew about the saga was that:

It was really popular with "basic teen girls" back in the 2000s
Some cynical edgelords hated it for being an over-hyped straight romance that was everywhere without ever watching/reading it
Some people wrote point-by-point descriptions of Edward fitting the epitome of the "abusive boyfriend" and that Twilight promoted rape culture and/or bad relationship ideals
It was kind of bland and/or boring, like a saltine cracker, and is a waste of time to indulge in
There was ridiculous choices made by the author to depict certain tropes that are somehow worthy of mocking and jokes
The actors, particularly Robert Patterson, hated the movies and it's evident by their acting in the movies

But like, after watching the first two movies, it's really not as bad as I expected it to be based on what I knew beforehand, and I can't quite figure out why people dunk on it to the point of making people who do like it feel horrible and ashamed.

Is it the best romantic masterpiece I've ever seen? Heck no! Should it be held up as this perfect ideal relationship? Definitely not. But I don't think it deserves to be given so much hate and overgeneralized criticism that people are afraid to give it a chance themselves or, perish the thought, end up enjoying it or even loving it.

To be clear, I'm not trying to defend the series per se, especially Bella's misguided decision-making and Edward's creepy and severely self-deprecating personality. ~~(Give the emo vampire some serious therapy and he should be fine, that's all I'm saying. Actually, strike that, give all the main characters therapy; they need it.)~~ But I do think there are a lot of interesting things about the characters and tropes and such that made me want to keep watching.

Now for some thoughts on the characters and a few other anecdotes:

I have to say that marking Edward as abusive feels careless and oversimplified. He exhibits toxic and unhealthy behaviors, sure, but that doesn't automatically mean he is abusive and completely irredeemable or unable to improve.

In my experience, abuse is really about making the victim feel helpless, powerless, and controlled while making the aggressor feel powerful, in control, and like they are a "better person", which they lord over the victim. Being abused undermines a person's sense of self and their ability to choose, and it makes them feel like they need to obey and be subservient to avoid further harm, anger, abandonment, and withholding of love and care.

I haven't seen the rest of the series yet, so maybe Edward's behavior becomes even more obsessive and controlling, but so far, I haven't seen him try to make Bella feel inferior or unable to choose, devalue her autonomy, or revoke certain things to get her to change in the ways he wants. In fact, it seems like she asserts her own will a lot of the time, despite his requests, especially in the second movie. Seriously, I think he could be a pretty good boyfriend if he just gets a good therapist and learns to communicate and explain things better (which, let's be real, most straight Hollywood romantic leads need).

As another aside, I feel like some of Edward's behaviors shouldn't be held up to typical human standards for romance. He's immortal and has lived a long time, and it's pretty easy to imagine how that would change the way he approaches relationships. Plus, it's pretty clear from the start that he has some feral instincts that are very powerful and hard to ignore. It reminds me of some werewolf tropes I really love that don't fit into conventional human relationship norms, particularly in the US. _{(//cough cough America is really anti-touch and is way too focused on individualism.)} Imo, feral instincts shouldn't be seen as inherently bad or harmful, just different, with extra requirements on navigating them in a relationship.

And as for Bella, she isn't completely foolish and unaware of her actions. There's this concept I learned from DBT where you ask yourself whether your emotions fit the facts and then decide whether acting on your emotional "action urge" is effective. The answer to one or both questions could be no, but you can still choose to act on your action urge as long as you "accept the consequences gracefully". Imo, Bella seems to do that. She analyzes her choices and then acts on them, prepared for the risks. Is it great that she chooses to act on her harmful desires? Not really, but I kind of respect the pauses she makes to think about what she's doing. Weighing what you want to do and recognizing and accepting that not every choice you make will have everything turn out rosy and full of smiles is sometimes what mindfulness is about.

I also like Jacob, Charlie, and the rest of the Cullens a lot, even though I recognize their flaws. Alice is wonderful, Carlisle and Esme are sweet, Jake could be a great guy if he sorts through some of his jealousy and anger issues, and Charlie is a pretty good dad.

Honestly, what I'm finding the most irritating in Twilight so far is the dumb love triangle and Edward's self-loathing. The main 3 just need to go to therapy, and once they get some of their issues sorted out, they need to form a polyamorous triad. I am pointedly ignoring what eventually happens with Edward and Bella's daughter in canon. Jake's imprint feelings for Renesmee are strictly paternal. (Platonic imprints have to be a thing.) Jake still loves Bella after Renesmee is born, and he discovers his antagonism for Edward is misguided attraction. All 3 of them have a thorough talk about the situation and decide to make it work. That's my headcanon and I'm sticking to it. S~~o many things can be fixed with polyamory, just saying.~~

Anyway, I have to admit that Twilight as a whole is a bit of a saltine cracker, but that's not inherently a bad thing. As someone who is hyperempathetic, it can be exhausting to feel the strong emotions of different characters because the media creators wanted to portray things as real and gut-wrenching on-screen. Besides, emotional bluntness doesn't mean completely void of emotions; it just means they aren't expressed externally. Once I recalibrate my imagination, I kind of enjoy the emotional quietness from scene to scene. (And I have to admit, I do have a little fun picking on how Edward and Bella are like plain salted popcorn individually, with maybe a hint of butter added when they're together. Not enough to sate your tastebuds, but just enough to make you want to eat more.)

Btw, I don't think "vampires sparkling in the sunshine as a way to show they're different" is that bad of a supernatural fantasy device. It's a little funny, and good for "pixie dust" jokes, but most cheesy fantasy romances have something similar, and it doesn't feel like that big of a deal to me.

Twilight and its characters definitely have their issues (and I've heard S. Meyer is a bit yikes, which doesn't surprise me), but honestly, I'm kind of enjoying the movies. There may be better franchises out there that are more deserving of the popularity Twilight ended up getting, and I know for a little while it was annoyingly pervasive, but I think there are quite a few things worth gleaning from the story. At the very least, it can give you something to think about, particularly what it says about our society that it was so loved by teen girls and so hated by many others.

In conclusion, just let people like Twilight or other "cringy" things, in spite of their flaws or even because of them, as long as they think critically and stay aware of any legitimate problems with the media, such as racism, sexism, ableism, etc.